Extreme sports

Exteme sports seem to be all the rage these days.  Persons wanting to experience that fear, and exhilaration that comes from bungee jumping off bridges, skiing down black diamond ski trails, you know, those shows are all over TV, oh, and internet.  And it got me to thinking...
This past Monday, I made Roger go with me to the Dollar General store over in Praire Creek.  (I love that little store, using backroads, I do not have to drive anywhere near town).  So, thus, it was going for distilled water for the oxygen machine.  When pulling out of the parking lot, Roger suggests we go over to Tony C's and split a beer.  I think I must have stopped breathing for a second there...  So, thus, it was, heading to Tony C's.  Upon sitting down at the bar and ordering a beer to split, a gentleman sitting on the other side of the bar, paid for our beer and ordered us another.  So, thus, it was Roger and I having a beer, two beers, one each.  Sitting there drinking our beer, there is old country music playing on the juke box (or whatever they call those music machines these days, it didn't look like a juke box, but if you are old enough to remember those old juke boxes, you get the gist.)  So, thus, it was, Roger asked me to dance.  and there we were dancing to I don't know what tune.   So thus, it was Roger and Pat dancing in the bar at 2 in the afternoon.
And when I got home, it got me to thinking about that rush of feelings that occur when the unexpected happens.  Was my exhilaration any less than the bungee jumper.  Maybe less fearful, but measured in heart beats and that rush of adrenaline, perhaps not.   Such is the life when you are caregiving.  It is stressful to be sure.  But in those simple moments when something unexpected happens, it is no less worthy of the rush of feeling.  When Phyliss delivers a lemon meringue pie, Ike plows the driveway, Becky delivers lunch, Kittena sends BBQ, Ronny plays poker, Gary shares his testimony, any of the neighbors stop by with this, that or just to talk.  We here are surrounded by wonderful people.  For the moment, these are the exhilarating experiences that bring that rush of feelings, feelings of being loved and cared for...
So, do I miss that rush of travelling down a hill in Nebraska at 45 mph on a bicycle?  Sure, only did that a couple of times, but it IS quite a rush.  
But the rush of love and care are no less extreme!
Love to all!

thursday

It is almost a week since the oncologist visit.  Good appointment-lymph nodes are same, no increased inflammation.  Still continuing with Zytiga and prednisone.  Roger feeling really good.  Breathing still difficult with physical activity, but not worsening.  End of this month will be 9 months not smoking cigarettes.  Uses a "vape" with low nicotine.  Roger is either talking or moving constantly, yes, feeling that good!  Pat exhausted.  Love to all.

Thursday August 28, 2014

It has been a while since an update.  Not much going on.  That is until next week.  Tomorrow is a CT scan.  Roger has lymph nodes that started showing swelling in April and the scan from June indicated more swelling.  The option of checking out options or waiting on another scan 6 weeks later was there and Roger chose to wait the 6 weeks and now we are there.  The April scan showed close to 20% increase which indicates the presence of the cancer increasing.  The scan is tomorrow and the doctor visit is next week.  Options to be discussed then.

Update July 23, 2014

Lymph nodes swollen, indicating a progression of the cancer.  Another CT scan in 6 weeks to assess whether to continue the Zytiga (current chemo) or move on to the next drug.  PSA 3.4, no increase there.  Not good news, yet not altogether bad.  It is what it is.  Roger continues to mow the lawn and enjoy the card games with friends.  Stop on by.

April 19, 2014

It is May and a month has passed since the last hospital visit.  Forgetting to update just another thing I've forgotten.  April's ER visit was short, just a night, but a step down for Roger.  Roger is now on oxygen 24 hours, or as much as possible.  It does help him sleep and he does not snore so loud, of course when the cannula comes off, he starts snoring and I wake him up or try to put it back on.  The oxygen is more or less the confirmation of the emphysema worsening.  He is in the last stages of cancer and emphysema both now.  The last stage of cancer began in 2010, and pallative care has brought him this far.  The emphysema can not be controlled any further, it is merely a day by day care situation.   The medicines to help with the breathing -the steroids, and inhalers, and nebulizer, and now oxygen, and quitting smoking in December have brought him this far.  Roger is starting to fall, his sense of balance is really out of whack, he cannot stand in the shower alone to wash his hair, when he closes his eyes, he loses balance.  He has slipped and fallen a couple of times down on the dock and he tries so hard to find an excuse.  (he still can make it out to fish, I try to make sure someone is down there or he has his cell phone).  He has lost a lot of his vanity to the cancer and now the emphysema---does not care any more if someone sees his urostomy bag or he has to tell someone he has to run to the closest bathroom, or other things that happen that would be embarassing to him a year or so ago.  It is hard for me to watch him sometimes.  It is just hard.  I try to make him laugh at least every once in a while, but it gets harder every day.  And it gets more frustrating trying to keep up with all the medications, and cleaning the equipment, every day some thing comes up that should have or could have been done, but I forget.  I just forget...

Oncologist visit

Good day, good visit with oncologist.  Scan shows potentially problematic lymph node or two becoming inflammed, PSA is down from 6 months ago to around 3.  Current cancer medication Zytiga will continue at least until next scan.  If lymph nodes show further inflammation, might change to the next drug in line in protocol.  Roger had Lupron shot (the one that hurts for a week) and Xgevia ( the bone strengthening shot) so will be limping around.  Oncologist says emphysema affecting health more than cancer, emphysema does not get better.   Roger good and mowing lawn!

A caregiver nightmare

One of the worst feelings is finding yourself in a bad situation which you feel you created.  Today I discovered splatters of poop in the bathroom, and a washrag that had been used to clean some of it up.  Roger was just too embarrassed, I am sure, to say anything and I still refer to the hysteric incident of the projectile vomiting incident, which occurred a few months ago.  I have regrets for yelling at Roger when he is vomiting, but that was discussed in a previous post.  And I know, his trying to clean up poop is not solely a product of the incident but as a caregiver you sometimes feel more responsible for the care recipient than you really should.  Anyway, I finished up the poop clean up without any comment.  It is what it is.  Tomorrow, or I should say today, Roger has a CT scan in the morning.  I need to get some sleep and will try to update on Friday when we go to visit with the Oncologist.  Love, grace and peace!