Saturday, February 13, 2016

Endings and beginnings

Roger passed away November 9, 2015.   I just have not been able to write about it here.  It just seems so, so final.  I have not written the thank you notes to everyone who has been so kind with their memorials, cards, help here at the house.   I was and still am completely surrounded by love.  Family, neighbors, friends and even online support groups have shown nothing but kindness and love.

So what prompted me to write tonight?  Spring is nearing.  Crappie season is nearing.  Roger was my fishing buddy.  It changed 5 years ago, about this same time.  When the prostate cancer metastasized, and began spreading throughout his body.  We still fished together for a couple more springs, but I was soon taking on more than I could handle with his health care, here at home and all the ensuing doctor visits, hospital visits and runs to the emergency room (at least 12 ER visits over 5 years, most of them that first year when things started falling apart).  And our fishing together became less, as I encouraged him to find someone else to fish with him.  I needed a break now and then.  And there were many people who filled that role, you know who you are and if I tried to list you all, I would be here too long and I would inevitably forget someone.

And now I miss my fishing buddy.  It is time to put new fishing line on the poles, stock up on jigs, bobber stoppers, and corks.  I see the fishing poles on the garage wall, and I cannot bring myself to think about fishing without my buddy.

I have been moving forward with life and keeping busy,  but now I know spring will always be a little sadder without my buddy.