Monday, October 8, 2012

October 8, 2012

Life is on an even keel around here.  Roger doing okay, lot of pain gone from the muscle spasm problem.  I find myself in the role of pessimist, wondering what is next.  Day by day, one moment at a time.  Making the best of the non-crisis days, trying to catch up on sleep, but not feeling rested.      
Six hours is about the most Roger sleeps at night, and he tries to let me sleep when he doesn't wake me up getting up and out of bed.
Will be taking the Zytiga at 4 a.m., hoping it will be a little easier since we are having a hard time with the 3 hour period of not eating or drinking anything but water.
The pessimism comes from being the one to clean up all the messes that occur on a day to day basis, the body fluids I clean up on the carpet, the bed, and clothes.  Changing the urostomy bag and/or appliance.  Dispensing the meds into the little sorter things that I thought only "old" people used.  Keeping things in everyday life becomes difficult (I forgot to pay the trash service, fortunately they are a small company and understanding) doing the dishes and laundry become herculean tasks.  And people ask how Roger is doing... I answer in awkward answers, not knowing anymore they know and listening to their suggestions, and then toning them out trying to think and do what I can to keep Roger comfortable.  And the doctor visits, I have to take my notebook and take notes for the simplest instructions, and refer back to my notes on a question to question basis day to day.  Most weeks involve at least one doctor or another and the only blessing comes from those weeks, now months we have not had to go to the ER or hospital.  The doctors' offices are far kinder it would seem now.
and I will say my prayers tonight ...